Feel Your Feelings

taps mic

Is this thing on?

God I hope not.

I wish I could process my emotions within the comfort of a dark room. Because God forbid you show a little emotion. Oh no, we don't do that around here.

We don't feel. Because feeling is a sign of weakness. It makes you less of a person. It makes you inferior.

Bullshit.

I'm 28 years old & I am learning emotions as if I'm a 4 year old on her first day of school. I never really knew how to process my emotions. Like of course I understand when I am happy, or sad, or mad. But once I notice that I am feeling something other than happy I've always tended to bottle that emotion up instead of processing it like an emotionally mature person would. I could blame this on my upbringing, but at some point I had to realize that the ball was now in my court. I'm an adult & am now responsible for my own wellbeing including mentally. I could blame my parents all day, but at some point I had to stop blaming & start doing.

Nobody told me that the doing would be so damn hard. Not gone hold you, it's difficult unlearning years of taught ways. Some days I find myself filled with so many emotions & I just wish I could turn them off, but where would that get me? I have to process them. I have to feel. I have to grow. Once you jump down that rabbit hole of growth the emotions do not stop. I feel like I've encountered so many emotions since deciding to go down this path of renewal. Am I feeling more? Or am I just simply more aware than before? Whichever it is, the shit is turning me every which way but loose. But that's okay, because I am learning to feel my feelings.